I'm still running...only occasionally with cabbages!

Hi.  I know, it has been a while.  I meant to update while I was recovering back at the end of January/beginning of February, but the recovery process was a bit more involved than I originally thought.  You can all beat me later.

After I was activated on February 7th...life went from 0 to 180 in moments - and it hasn't stopped yet!

Sound is wonderful and amazing and so many other words that end in -ing!  Yet, I can't lie.  I do enjoy those moments at night when I disconnect from my auditory oyster.

I watched the Avengers in 3-D, without captions, and caught a good 85% of the speech.  I don't do too well talking on the phone with just one ear, but if I have a bilateral headset, I'm golden!  I can even listen to music!  I'm loving sound!

But my hearing isn't why I finally came back to my blog.  It is the recent happenings in life that have me taking time away from work and preparing for school (I'll be back in classes in July) to write.

Yesterday was Mother's Day.  That day once a year where as children, we are to do something a bit more to show our mothers love and respect - and to say Thank you!  The day started out decently enough - but there were so many things that were just "off" about the whole day.  Sunday services at church are done by the youth group.  I enjoy the Mother's Day service.  Being able to watch and hear Alex sing was such a treat.  I was a bit put off by the message though.  Really, who preaches about death and destruction on Mother's Day?  I needed a bit of hope for the spirit - not a whole sermon of negativity.  I can only speak for myself, but the message left me needing a spiritual band-aid.  I wasn't ready to go home and love my family - what I wanted to do was tear into them.  Warm and fuzzy I was not!

Some family drama and disappointment left 2/3 of the household in tears.  Not the cute, sweet tears of happiness, but the kind that rip at the soul, shaking the core of your very being - and leaving you hollow and empty.  Uh...Happy Mother's Day?

Now, here I sit on Monday evening, absorbing the news that an old childhood friend has lost his battle with stomach cancer.  He passed away yesterday.  He was the son of my dad's buddy.  Going to the "Farm" with my dad always meant the possibility that the boys might be around.  I remember his smile and the way his eyes would twinkle with laughter and a bit of mischief!  Dirty blonde hair, blue eyes the color of a country sky, and dimples...oh those dimples!  I was the pain in the butt tomboy, following him around.  He grudgingly helped me bait my hook, taught me how to fish on the bank, and the art of skipping rocks.  I remember taking the canoe down the creek, watching for copperheads, and learning how to shoot so the wood plugs would fly out of the water!  He let me cry without making fun when we found a dead fawn in the woods mauled by coyotes and teased me without mercy for wanting to keep all the pheasant chicks! Fall fires, winter sledding, hot summer days in the fields and the annual Sandwich Fair - memories made sweeter simply because he was a childhood crush.  While I haven't seen him in years - easily decades - and I haven't talked to him in about the same amount of time, my heart grieves for his wife and sons.  For his brother, nieces, nephews, and friends.  For days long past but not forgotten.  Every memory is so precious, but my favorite of you is by the old willow tree, looking out at the field - laughing, talking, and watching the daylight slip away.  It had been a long, hot day and we were still drinking pop out of glass bottles. Your Grandpa was there and so was Mouse, Norm, you, me and always "Bert and Ernie."  Your daylight slipped away much too soon, old friend.  Rest in peace, Jerry.

Which brings me back to something one of the girls asked me through tears yesterday.  "What is the point in trying to fix things now?"

I didn't have an answer then...but I have one now. Relationships - all of them - take work.  They aren't always fair.  Sometimes we have to reach out and keep taking baby steps, knowing that some days we won't get very far.  Some days we might not even get close enough to examine the wound before being swatted away.  But there will be days when we walk in stride.  When we can find a moment to connect and cement a crack in our foundation.  There will be days when we will plant flowers and create memories that add richness to our lives.  And that is why I will keep trying.  I love you enough to see us through the rough spots that will one day lead us to contented moments where we can sit and laugh and drink soda under a willow tree and watch a sunset, or on a beach, or on a front porch.  It doesn't really matter where, I just know that it will happen one day.  Because...the daylight will slip away before we know it...and until that happens, I refuse to give up.

<3

Just a week away

I haven't blogged that much.  It is much harder to write about what I'm living than to just live my life.  I'm not very public about what I'm feeling or going through.  That's just how I'm hard wired.

So far, everything is in order.  Insurance approval.  Pain meds and antibiotics are all picked up and waiting for me.  My appointment is set up for activation on February 7th, just a day before my niece's birthday.  I have my white board and I know what clothes I'm going to wear.  Neck pillow, bed wedge, and plenty of books stocked up on my Kindle.  And a week off work...maybe.

I'm ready.  Really.  I think.

Well, that's not quite true.  I am ready.  I'm more nervous about everyone else.  Do they understand that my hearing will take time?  Do they "get" that there will be no more sound for me when I come out of surgery?  Right now I still have sound.  It's not much, but it is there.

So I pray that I'll come through okay.  That I'll be able to taste coffee, have minimal pain, and that I'll be able to run again soon.  I pray that I'll be able to hear and understand my daughters, my family, my friends.  I'd love to hear birds again and listen to singing.  The ocean. Crickets! And maybe one day I can learn a new language.

(And I've realized that I really do want to know what the people in the conference room box say! :) )

I don't know what time surgery is on Monday.  I'll find out Friday afternoon via phone call to the house and email.

It's going to be good.  The possibilities are endless.  I refuse to believe anything else.

<3